once there was a battle.a great one. doesnt matter where and when it happened but the only thing that matters is it was a great battle.as it was between the god and the devil,good and evil,noone knows what they are, even they didnt knew themselves, but still the battle ocurred. they fought for some hours, some days , some years,some centuries or million years perhaps.noone knows. they fought forever without really wanting to kill each other. As they knew they cant exist without the other. they needed each other and still , still they needed to fight each other.

so they fought,they fought for etrenity, neither of them knowing what they will gain out of it. they both wanted everything and nothing at the same time. And then came a girl they both wanted but can never have.They were too arrogant and she was too shy. sometimes they fought in pleasure that they have this girl, sometimes they fought in disappointment of unrequieted love, sometimes they fought in anger.both knowing very well they will get nothing out of this fight,

And the bastards are still fighting.

greatness

Its my hunger that made me mad at the first place and ironically its my hunger that sane people envy most.People including my doctor,nurses,my fellow inmates,some friends,some girlfriends,some strangers have always asked me what is the sourtce of that conviction. After all mad people arent supposed to be confident. more confident than they themselves have ever been. its not justified at all.  its illegal

Its not a new question. its the same question that has been asked again and again to many people throughout history to every person who felt greatness or the illusion of greatness.who have ever tasted that high.alexanders,einsteins,gandhis,dostoevskys and of course countless others who failed.

yes , there are millions of others who failed, like me

but sitting here in my asylum, talking to orthodox doctors and sympathizing nurses i have no hope for myself and there is nothing much i can do to get that hope but what i can do to you, to anyone who ever felt the weight , restlessness or anguish of that greatness, is to tell the secret.

The secret lies in being a child forever, never growing up. being always a kid except for the fact that you are no kid as you already know everything that even adults dont know.

Thats a very very dangerous combination to have .very very dangerous to have for everyone around you and most of all, to yourself.

And thats all greatness is all about